It has been too long since I've written. I am trying to get back in action. So I'm just going to pick up writing from now. I can't try and backtrack that would just be overwhelming to attempt :)
Yesterday Seth was having a hard time after nap. No child should ever have to experience pain of any kind. Seth was in pain, pain with no voice, no apparent cause. He was crawling in his own skin. Unable to stop kicking, screaming and crying. I picked him up and swaddled him in his blanket and held him as tight as I could. I told him "mommy will rock you until you feel better, mommy is here." Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth..the kicking stopped, the crying ceased and I fell him relax. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...I must have rocked him for 20 minutes. His eyes on the ceiling stimming side to side as if to try and calm himself. He was in a trance and then he looked at me, right into my eyes and just stared. Stared with a look of innocence, dependence and gratitude. Almost as if he wanted to say "thank you mommy, I couldn't calm down on my own." it was a tender moment. Continuing to rock he pointed to the door. He was ready to get off the bed and out of the room and try to move forward. I carried him to the couch where he laid on my chest for another half hour. He then got up with a smile and went to play with his cars. It isn't always easy and is often heartbreaking...but I know Seth knows I'm here for him and I love him more than anything...through the rough and tough and tiring, o how I love my innocent little boy.